Coaching along

I'm in my second month now as a BIKE coach. I have two clients, and it's going well. Despite the resistance--It's so hard to look inward--I love how people really can figure things out on their own. I've done it myself, but I now get the chance to see it from the other side. It's amazing, the power of the mind.

We all just need a little push sometimes, and people in the mainstream are recognizing that. That's why the coaching profession is seeing such huge growth rate right now. The ICF (International Coaches Federation) has certified more than 4,000 coaches worldwide, in 47 different countries--more than 500 credentialed since January 2008. It's something I'm looking into for myself now.

It just goes to show that we know we are not on this earth alone. We do need assistance now and then. And it's okay to ask for help.

This isn't therapy. It's not consulting (though either could be involved). It's assistance that helps a person set and meet his or her goals. The coach just helps the client figure out solutions that will work best. There's a lot of questioning that takes place to get to the answers. But we all have them.

And we all have the ability to know how to solve our own dilemmas, to overcome our individual challenges, to move forward. We may just need that little push. My coaching technique does that for you; however, I combine that with my BIKE philosophy to help create a system that's always available and easily accessible to you, precisely when you need it. And if you forget, it's there to remind you. We all need those reminders as well.

If you're in need, right now, of help that can lead to problem solving in your life, maybe it's time you asked for help.

If so, post a comment. Maybe I can help. It not me, a referral might net you exactly what you need.

All my best,
Jackie

Replace the "yes, but..." with a "yes, and..."

I've had my moments where I've felt stuck.

I've had piles on my desk, for instance, and didn't get any work done because they were there. So I'd clean off my desk, the piles would no longer be present, but still I'd not accomplish what I thought I should be getting done. I was kidding myself.

I felt stuck. But I wasn't recognizing that it wasn't the piles that kept me stuck, it was me. Just me. I was convincing myself that it was the piles--or something else altogether--but I wasn't being honest with myself.

Now, whenever I find myself not accomplishing what I've set out to do, I've learned to pay attention to what I'm saying to other people. What am I telling them about my progress, or lack thereof.

If I hear myself saying, "Yes, BUT...," or any variation of those words, I know I'm making excuses. For example, people often ask me, "Are you still writing?" I've often heard myself say something like, "Yes, but no one's buying, so I'm not selling much." Or perhaps they've asked me, "Are you still working on that book?" And I've responded, "Yes, but I've still got so much to do, so I'm not really getting anywhere." Whenever I've responded with a "Yes, but (fill-in-the-blank)," I know I'm just making excuses. Most people I know have "so much to do," so what's so different about that for me? Why do I even need to announce that? It doesn't really make me feel better that I'm not accomplishing what I set out to do. I'm just making excuses. I'm limiting myself by not doing all I possibly can. I'm devaluing what I have to offer.

So I've had to train myself to instead say, "Yes, AND..." phrases. That way, I know I'm looking for a solution, instead of looking to stay stuck. So, yes, maybe I am working hard, and maybe I'm not selling enough. Maybe all of that's true. With the "AND" connector, I'm giving myself the right to find the solution, instead of the right to stay stuck. Who wants to stay stuck, anyway?

So, yes, I'm still writing, and yes, I'm still working on the book, AND I'm also looking at ways to increase my sales, pitching ideas to more and more publications that ever, AND I'm feeling very productive these days. That's the difference between those two three-letter words. One is empowering. The other is deflating.

The next time you hear yourself make excuses for what you're not accomplishing, give yourself permission to listen to what you're really saying behind the words. Are you looking for the solution, or are you just looking to stay stuck? Don't let the piles make up your mind. You make up your mind.

This week, if there's something you've been meaning to get done, if there's something you want to accomplish but haven't, I encourage you to listen to what you're saying to yourself and others. Become aware of the words you're using. You'll accomplish so much more if you remind yourself to use language that empowers you. That's the best path to progress. Even if you're not where you want to be right now, if you empower yourself with the right to find solutions, you'll get there.

All my best,
Jackie

The power of change

My daughter got married this year. She and her husband moved in with me just before the wedding occurred and stayed with me for a few months after. They brought their dog with them; he didn't get along well with mine. They learned to tolerate each other. The three of them just moved out last month. My son, I just found out, is going to have a baby. I'm going to be a grandparent. My book deadline got pushed back to a different date. I'm constantly working on a different assignment with a different publication with a different editor. I just accepted a last minute offer to present a speech I didn't have, so I had to create it.

And the list goes on.

I encounter change in my life almost daily. I do not have a single boss. In fact, technically, though I am self-employed, I work for many people; therefore, I suppose you could say I have many bosses. So work is never static. There are always different contracts to read and review, different copyrights to consider, different ways to format a story. I juggle a lot of balls.

I'm not so different than most people I know.

A press representative that I work with at The Phoenician resort told me last month she had gotten married. This month, she told me she'll be leaving her job. Her husband got transferred, and she's moving with him to Colorado. She'll need to find a new job, a new house, new friends. She's ready to embrace the change, though she's slightly concerned. Her concern won't hold her back. It's just her humanity speaking. She'll miss her family and friends that she's leaving behind, especially her 13-year-old brother. She told me he's playing tennis now, and loving it, and competing. She's sorry she'll miss his games. I found that touching to hear her say this. But she's accepting the move.

My daughter--the one who just got married--told me their house may need new duct work for the air conditioning to work properly. She and her husband need to decide how they'll manage to make the repairs on their tight budget. They are working on a plan to make the important necessary repairs and save for the major and more costly one later.

Change. It's constant. We all experience it. We all live it. We all need to know how to manage it.

Some of us do it well. Some of us not so much. And some of us do it well some of the time, but not always.

Do you have a process in place that you use to manage the change in your life? Have you learned to do what my neighbor said to me recently, "Go with the flow"? Is that always the appropriate response?

I don't always accept change gracefully or openly. There are times when I reject it outright. My daughter says I need about four days to deal with really dramatic change, the kind that is so unexpected. She may be right. I do seem to have a time-frame, but I'm not sure if it can be measured in days.

Generally, I like to think I go with the flow, but I know that's not always the case. Certain kinds of change are easier to accept than others.

My process is altered, I think, according to what the change involves. Is is going to cost me a lot of money? Do I have the money it's going to cost? Is it going to cost me time--where am I going to get the extra hours I may need? How is the change going to affect me? What will I need to do to adapt?

I think I go quickly through a check-list of questions and considerations, sometimes without even knowing it, before I come to accept the change, depending on its severity.

The power of change involves lesson-building and learning. Change may hold the key to your self-confidence. You don't have to always be great at adapting to change. You just have to believe in yourself enough to know that you will.

So, if my daughter's right, and I do take around four days to adapt to big changes in my life. I'm okay with that. It means I will adapt. It means I will find the solution to acceptance. It means I will continue moving forward.

What are your thoughts about the change that occurs in your life? If chaos were to knock on your door today, would you be able to answer? Would you ignore the knock, hoping it would go away? How prepared are you to handle whatever comes next?

Not even counting this year, I've experienced a lot of change in my life. With each new experience, I've gained greater confidence in knowing I can adapt, I can create solutions, I can accept the inevitable.

Can you?